What do I want?

Sometimes it's good to ask yourself that simple question and then listen to your answer.

What do I want?
                            What do I want?
What do I want?
                                                                            What do I want?

1. I want to know God better...
2. I want my kids to grow up to be good people...
3. I want to feel like I have done something that mattered...

This is how I fell about myself regarding want # 1

from "The Way of the Pilgrim"

 I do not love God. For if I loved God I should be continually thinking about Him with heartfelt joy. Every thought of God would give me gladness and delight. On the contrary, I much more often and much more eagerly think about earthly things, and thinking about God is labor and dryness.

 If I loved God, then talking with Him in prayer would be my nourishment and delight and would draw me to unbroken communion with Him. But, on the contrary, I not only find no delight in prayer, but even find it an effort. I struggle with reluctance, I am enfeebled by sloth, and am ready to occupy myself eagerly with any unimportant trifle, if only it shortens prayer and keeps me from it. My time slips away unnoticed in futile occupations, but when I am occupied with God, when I put myself into His presence every hour seems like a year.

 If one person loves another, he thinks of him throughout the day without ceasing, he pictures him to himself, he cares for him, and in all circumstances his beloved friend is never out of his thoughts. But I, throughout the day, scarcely set aside even a single hour in which to sink deep down into meditation upon God, to inflame my heart with love of Him, while I eagerly give up twenty-three hours as fervent offerings to the idols of my passions.

 I am forward in talk about frivolous matters and things which degrade the spirit; that gives me pleasure. But in the consideration of God I am dry, bored and lazy. Even if I am unwillingly drawn by others into spiritual conversation, I try to shift the subject quickly to one which pleases my desires.

 I am tirelessly curious about novelties, about civic affairs and political events; I eagerly seek the satisfaction of my love of knowledge in science and art, and in ways of getting things I want to possess. But the study of the Law of God, the knowledge of God and of religion, make little impression on me, and satisfy no hunger of my soul. I regard these things not only as a non-essential occupation for a Christian, but in a casual way as a sort of side-issue with which I should perhaps occupy my spare time, at odd moments.

To put it shortly, if love for God is recognized by the keeping of His commandments (If ye love Me, keep My commandments, says our Lord Jesus Christ), and I not only do not keep them, but even make little attempt to do so, then in absolute truth the conclusion follows that I do not love God. That is what Basil the Great says: 'The proof that a man does not love God and His Christ lies in the fact that he does not keep His commandments'.

The unintended consequences of New Year's resolutions

There comes a day when you decide 'enough is enough' and you actually do that thing that you have been trying to do for so long. I don't know what makes this day different from yesterday or the day before or all the days before that, but it is. The change sticks, the wishing stops. The first day of the rest of your life starts. And that night, you can look yourself in the eye, when you look in the mirror, and on that day, you actually like what you see. You kept your word to yourself. You didn't make any empty promises to yourself. You never once said "I'll just start tomorrow". Because you already started. It is tomorrow!

And when you slip up, this time it is not over. It is just learning what works and what doesn't. It is figuring things out. It is working out the kinks of this new life of yours. This little change, in the whole scheme of things, really isn't that much. But little changes add up. Little victories gain territory. Move you forward into lands you once thought lost.

The strangest, most unexpected part is that you now can hear those tiny inner voices loud and clear in your head. The ones you fed to keep quiet. They are ugly little voices. Negative little creatures. "why even try" they chant. "So you did ok today. What about tomorrow? If you don't keep it up tomorrow, then today's hard work is pointless". But now you recognize the little nags for what they really are. And you whisper to them that tomorrow doesn't matter. Only today. You can't control tomorrow or next week but you can control what you do today. What you do right now. And if you can control what you do this minute, when tomorrow comes, you can take control of it too.

Before you know it, you see results. Not big. Not so much that anyone else would notice. But that is ok. Because this is forever. And all you have is time.

Easter 2013

overwhelmed into inactivity?

This generation of Children we are raising is the most documented generation in history. We have pictures of them doing everything and nothing. And as a parent most of the childhood milestones are views through a lens. I realized that with this tidal wave of pictures, I haven't printed pictures in almost 4 years. Their all on the computer. And as I look at the stack of video tapes I need to convert to DVD, I realize how quickly technology can change and how easily all these memories can be lost. So I hearby solomly promise to print more pictures and update my actual photo albums just in case my computer crashes and everything is lost.

50 reasons to Love Las Vegas

Kelly"s Parents Celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this year.

 We had a special dinner for them with all their brothers and sisters and their spouses.

 It was rare fun to have everyone together.

 We continued the celebration with a long weekend in Las Vegas, where we took in a show, ate good food and took a forced march down the strip as I fulfilled my secret desire to be a tour guide.

BuSy BoDy

Well it happened. I am officially busy. I never meant for this to happen. In fact I  actively tried to avoid it. I decided a long time ago that I never wanted to be that busy, stressed, hectic, frantic,  running late, frenetic person that I have observed from time to time. Which is why I think I have avoided this state for so long. But now, I feel busy. Which is ironic because technically I have more time that ever. My little bug is in preschool for three hours a day- nine golden hours a week. Where does it go? Has it filled up with projects I never would have attempted last year? Have I just lost all time management skills? Or do I really just have a lot going on?

There are some definite perks to being busy. I get to send friends home because I have to leave to drop off or pick up my swimmer from swim team practice. I can serve a throw- together left-over dinner because I don't have time to thaw anything. I can let personal hygiene go because I just didn't have time to shower. (Ok that's not a perk. It is just gross)

The part that I don't like is that I sometimes feel I am to busy for people. One of my pet peeves is people who are "to busy" to return a phone call or a text. But I have found myself not wanting to call  someone because I don't want to take the time to talk right now. Sad!

I think this is how it is going to be so I better get used to it and maybe give up on a few things and talk on the phone a little more...

The Language of time

     Instead of saying "I don't have the time" try saying "it's not a priority," and see how that feels. Often that's a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don't want to. But other things are harder. Try it: "I'm not going to edit your resume, sweetie, because it's not a priority." "I don't go to the doctor because my health is not a priority." If these phrases don't sit well, that's the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don't like how we're spending an hour, we can choose differently.--Laura Vanderkam

The Night Circus Book Club Dinner

The circus arrives without warning.

No announcements precede it, no paper notices on downtown posts and billboards,

no mentions or advertisements in local newspapers.

It is simply there, when yesterday it was not.

The towering tents are striped in white and black, no golds and crimsons to be seen.

No color at all, save for the neighboring trees and the grass of the surrounding fields.

Black-and-white stripes on grey sky...



Le Cirque des Rêves



Some in the crowd smile knowingly, while others frown and look questioningly at their neighbors.

A child near you tugs on her mother’s sleeve, begging to know what it says.“The Circus of Dreams,” comes the reply.

The girl smiles delightedly.Then the iron gates shudder and unlock, seemingly by their own volition.

They swing outward,inviting the crowd inside .Now the circus is open. Now you may enter...


 The book for August was The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

 The "bedtime story jars"-  each jar contains a story. We also had a wishing tree .

The Dessert Table.....

 The Cake...

Strawberries stuffed with Almond Cream (There were chocolate covered strawberries too, and cream puffs and chocolate raspberry pie, but I didn't get pictures of those)

My Favorite Night of the Year!

slipping through my fingers...

I think one of the most beautiful things in the world has to be a tent lit from the inside. You look away from your campfire and see the soft glow coming through the fabric of the tent...transcendent. It makes all the fuss getting packed to go camping worth is.

Or how about seeing a the mist from a soft mountain rain while you are hiking, or water plants blooming on a calm mountain lake as you take your inflatable boat out for the first time. Or the smile on your kids face when they get over their fear and learn to dive. Or the sight of friends, lingeringing around the table after a BBQ until  the misquitos chase you inside. And then there is watching your kids volunteer at the food bank(because you make them), and seeing them take pride in stocking the shelves.

All this beauty seems so fragile. There is so much more to do and summer seems to be slipping through my fingers. I don't want summer to last forever. Just long enough to do everything we want to do again and again and again.

an every day dilemma

Generally I consider myself "nice" to the point of nauseous but last week I had a few decidedly uncharitable moments.  One of the worst of these breakdowns happened at Boondocks. I like to let my littlest one play in the" kid zone" a special area like a play land at McDonalds that is specifically for LITTLE kids. You have to purchase a special arm band to go in there and a parent is supposed to stay with the kid all the time. There are a lot of rules for this little play place, like you have to be less than 48 inches and you have to take off your shoes. Right after we got there, I noticed a big boy playing in the kid zone- way taller than 48 inches and he DIDN'T have an arm band and he was wearing SHOES.

Well that just wasn't going to work for me. I pay good money (3 whole dollars) to have my kid play in a place where he won't get run over by big kids. After a few minutes I decided I had to say something so I went over to the kid and told him he was to big to play there and he needed to get out. He ignored me. I told him again and then his mom came over to see what was going on. I told her that the kid was way to big to be playing in the play area. She said he was a special needs kid and the staff lets him play there. I said "he doesn't have an arm band". She explained that he wouldn't wear it and it was in her purse. "What about his shoes?". He won't take them off.  I was completely frustrated and she was in complete mother bear mode. It wasn't pretty.

I do wish I had been more charitable and understanding. If I ever see her again, I will apologize. I know raising Autistic and special needs kids is hard. The mother made a comment to someone else later that it is especially hard when the kid looks normal and if he had been down syndrome or otherwise visually different he would have been left alone ( which is probably true). But...I still think rules have to apply.  So that is the dilemma and I am curious to know what you think and what you would have done.

To Blog or not to Blog?

That is the question....

Long before facebook, there was the blog, that wonderful place to put your thoughts and activities for the world to see. The perfect place to stay connected with family and friends, especially Grandparents and family that lives far away. I would post ( which always takes 3 times longer than you think it will. I can't tell you how many times I sat down thinking I will just take 5 minutes and update my blog - for an hour and 25 minutes) and then wait impatiently for comments, checking back repeatedly to see if there was any new feedback. I would be concerned, ( and I still am) that someone creepy would be looking at my blog. I debated going private ( and I still might). The thing that has kept me public for this long is the absolute BORE factor of reading blogs about people you don't know. Try it sometime when you can't sleep. I also thought that some people won't read my blog if they have to go through the extra step of signing in.

The reality is, blogging takes a long time and some of the people I really thought would want to read it, just simply don't. I have had the conversation more than once that goes like this: Them, " I would love to see the kids Easter pictures". Me, "Oh, I put them on my blog, have you read it?" Them, "No, I guess I should...What is the address again?"...

Because Facebook is so easy, and people don't have to check to see if you have posted anything new, it seems to be the default form of generic communication. The bottom line is, I like to write, so I will keep writing this blog- sporadic as it may be.  I have a pretty good idea who reads this, and I love you for it. And to those of you who comment, extra love going your way!  It is nice to know you care enough to check and see what we are up to and what I am thinking about.

Moab

I love living in Utah! We are so close to so many Amazing places.

 Over spring break, we went to Maob and Arches National Park

 I love love love that the kids are old enough to make travel fun. They help each other and stick together, and yes, still do annoy each other and get a little bossy.

 The perfect little min-vacation.

Jamaica

So here is a little bit about Jamaica: It is an island nation about 90 miles south of Cuba. Close to 3 million people live in Jamaica and the minimum wage is $60 a week (compared to around $220 in Utah)

Jamaica is very hilly. The highest mountain is 7000 feet above sea level. It takes about 8 hours to drive the 150 mile length of the island because the roads are so narrow and hilly. They drive on "the other side of the street" The driver who took us from the airport in Montego Bay to the resort told us instead of freaking out about his driving to close our eyes and count to ten. By then he would have completed whatever scary maneuver he was attempting. It turned out to be good advice. Driving in Jamaica is scary. Our resort was on the west end of the island in a town called Negril.

The grounds of the resort were beautiful. this was our private patio. The beach is a 30 second walk to the left.

A couple of resorts down from ours was Margaritaville. We didn't go in. But we did pass it on our walk down the beach and during my morning run.

Nothing like toes in fine white powdery sand.

One of our favorite stops was Ricks Cafe to see the cliff divers and the sunset.

The resort offered a catamaran sunset cruise that took us along the coast ( I had the best view of all right there in the boat)

We saw some gorgeous sunsets!

This was our beautiful beach.

Our favorite entertainment was the Piano Man "Ultimate Chocolate". This man could play! There were nightly sing- alongs and a crazy game of "name that tune" which Kelly totally dominated (if you call 2nd place total domination)

We have to do this more often- every 5 years is WAY to long!

Christmas is a classroom

The Christmas season offers such an amazing opportunity for learning and growth. I think of all the values I hope to teach my kids and Christmas is the perfect time to do it. Things like compassion and having a giving heart, priorities, budgeting, dreaming big, being grateful and also accepting small disappointments and trying new things. I learned a lot this year, about myself, mostly. Some good and some not quite.

Here are a few of the lessons I learned this year: Riding the bus with the third graders on a field trip is not as bad as I thought it would be. In fact it was an awesome, fun, good time. BE ADVENTUROUS!

You can make anything out of gingerbread. I am amazed at the imagination and creativity I saw at the Festival of Trees. BE CREATIVE!

Not everyone is going to cooperate. They are not going to sit still or want to go see the Christmas lights at Temple Square when you want to go. BE FLEXIBLE!

They are only 9 once. JUST BE!

Trying new things can be scary but they usually turn out to be super fun. BE BRAVE!

Dinner is what you make it. BE FUN!