Someday I will master the art of lingering. And I do believe it is an art. The ability to slowly enjoy a dinner out without the pressure of getting back to put the kids to bed, without thinking about how much you will have to pay the babysitter. To be somewhere without the feeling that you need to be somewhere else, doing something else, to get home before the kids do, to get back in time to get the kids to bed. It sounds so pleasant to sit in a cafe with a good friend and linger long after the last bite is gone.
I remind myself a lot that my life is not my own right now. I am a parent and I live for four other people. It is the mantra that I recite when I hear the little one call from his bed as I am on my way out the door to go running early in the morning. My life is not my own so I will lay down with you until you are back to sleep. I think it when I have to drop what I am doing and run with the little one to the bathroom because we are potty training. Or when I am getting ready to run errands and the little one decides to fall asleep. Change of plans, well go later... or tomorrow.
But all this compromise, altruism, reconciling (what ever you want to call it) has resulted in some very bad personal habits. They say that every virtue can become a vice when carried to the extreme. I want to cultivate the ability to be somewhere without the anxiety of feeling like I need to be somewhere else. I have lost my linger and someday I want to get it back.
